I moved to San Francisco from the east coast in my mid-twenties with one suitcase and the vague hope of "finding myself".
Even though I didn't remember packing it, all of my "stuff" seemed to follow me. For me, this "stuff" included pervasive anxiety, chronic depression, and heaps upon heaps of self-doubt. I'd been cycling through fear, shame, and numbness, and I felt very alone and unsure of how to proceed.
I had a fantasy that my new locale would give me a clean slate from all of these uncomfortable-to-feel feelings. While I dabbled in denial and avoidance, it didn't take long for me to realize that my "stuff" wasn't so easy to shake, and I couldn't just go on about my life pretending it wasn't impacting me. Finally, I sought out support in the form of therapy, and it made a huge difference for me.
It felt so good to be real about what was going on for me- how tough it was for me to move toward the future I wanted when I didn't know what I wanted it to be or how to get there.
Therapy helped me take a good look at the ways that I was getting in my own way. Gaining more awareness about the parts of me that felt terrified to move forward helped me to begin to see a bigger picture of myself and helped me to find compassion for the “stuck” feeling I had previously only felt loathing for.
Learning that my insecurities weren’t who I am, but rather old beliefs I’d been lugging around, helped me to more thoroughly “unpack” and make space for new ideas about myself, ones that were more updated, congruent, hopeful, and true.
So, how about you? What have you been toting around with you for a while? Are you ready to roll up your sleeves and sift through your “stuff”? What do you imagine you could gain?
If you’re feeling nervous about what you might discover along the way or how to go about dipping your toe into the pool of self-exploration, I get it. I have been there myself. I’d be happy to venture with you and support you in getting unstuck. Please feel free to reach out to me at jessica@fogcitycounseling.com.
Photo by Erwan Hesry on Unsplash